jedidah, you need to discipline yourself. don't regret this, like how you regret everything else this year. Its less than a week to the O's.
To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
I just hope that i stay calm, no matter what, because if i freak out, it's not gonna work out.
Lord, grant me calmness.

i miss everyone. i cant focus on studying :/
but i must, i must do it for God and for Cedar.
ill start tomorrow, with exactly two weeks to go.
2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes.
Way too little. But i know, i can do with the strength that only God can give.
Father in heaven, i pray that you be with all my classmates as we embark on this important journey. I pray that you grant me the energy and focus while studying. Let me not get distracted by unnecessary things. While studying, let me not forget my worship to You, that i'll always, always have time for You. I thank you for everything, and everybody who cares for me. In Jesus name, amen.


So i say a little prayer
and hope my dreams will take me there.
where the skies are blue to see you once again, my love.
overseas from coast to coast, to find the place i love the most
where the fields are green, to see you once again, my love.
i try to read, i go to work.
i'm laughing with my friends
but i cant stop to keep myself from thinking
i wonder how, i wonder why, i wonder where they are
the days we had, the songs we sang together.


i miss everyone. :(

I'm back, cos i cannot not blog about my last week in cedar.

Overseas from coast to coast, to find the place i love the most. I love love love cedar so ultra much!
It hurts so so much to leave Cedar, and 4M. (gosh, ive already started crying). The day i stepped into Cedar, i was so uncertain about who i would become, how my future would be. It felt like just yesterday, and i've stepped out of Cedar today, on 10 october 2009.

The first day of my sec4 life, i knew this day would come. I'm going to miss 4M, the track&field team, the teachers i've grown to love so much and all the specials that only Cedar has.

This whole week, i sang the school song with pride, and it was so loud on friday that teachers and vice-principals were smiling after that. Today i could not sing it, tears were flowing down so bad. I saw the sweet scholars in our class cry. I saw Mrs Lim cry. I saw 4M crying.

I feel so so empty, so lonely. I feel like wearing the school uniform 24/7. I feel like running forever with the trackers. I feel like reliving my 4 years in Cedar. I feel like having boring lessons again. I feel like running down for recess. I feel like teasing Deandra. I feel like talking to Anusha. I feel like stealing Shermin's bag and pencilcase. I feel like tapping people, and fooling them. I feel like laughing at Jeya. I feel like bobbing with Sheriel and Deandra. I feel like jogging and cheering for 4M. I feel like singing "my love" to all the teachers with 4M again. I feel like hugging everyone again. I feel like camwhoring in the hall. I feel so empty, here alone at home.

I wonder how the teachers feel. I'll miss them so much. I'll miss Ms Thang, Ms Begam, Ms Leong, Mr Sng, Mr Lim, Mr Leng, Mr Ang, Mr Chen, Mrs Tan, Ms Chin, Mr Yau, Mr Omer, Mrs Lim, Mr Tay, Mr Chan, Ms Poon..

I really regret not treasuring school days. When i go to sleep every night, i know ill be able to see my friends and teachers in school. But now, not so. I can't wait for the 2 weeks to be over, to see everyone again. But after the O's? Ill really never see them again.

You know that heart piercing pain? You know that choking feeling in your throat? You know when tears stream down like they never will stop?
It hurts.


I'll do my best for Cedar, i will.

I'm so bored after prelim1s that i've decided to blog! My initial reason for not blogging was to reduce the number of times i'd come online this year. but grr, thanks to awesome facebook, i still come online.
i think i screwed up some papers for prelim1. im not awaiting prelim2, when i've to go through the whole studying thing again!
yay, i'm looking forward to next week, when i can slack!
and oh man, i need to discipline myself to run. im growing horizontally :(

THANK YOU SEC4M, MR SNG AND TRACKERS FOR MAKING MY DAY REALLY SPECIAL!
I'm really sorry to my classmates and trackers for not really being at either one cake-cutting place. haha. but i really really appreciate it! <3
thank you Anusha, Kemei, Khadija, Adelyn, Theresa, Eunice, Danae, Mag, Jeya, Naomi, YinTian, HoiYan, Amanda, XiaoTong, RuiMin, SherMin, Sheriel, Natasha, Joy, Deandra, Romaine, Ariel, Jasmine, YingYing, Carolyn and Syahirah! love you guys so much!
Oh, and happy birthday to Natasha and May tooooo!

I'm not blogging out of temptation, but because i want to remember everything about this season.
My track and field journey in cedar is definately a memorable and irreplaceable one. From someone truly hopeless at sports, over the 4 years, i've really grown physically, mentally and spiritually thanks to Cedar Track&Field, and i'm really indebted to Cedar Track&Field for that. The friendships made in track&field will never ever be forgotton and i'm really glad to have been part of this awesome family. I would never want anything else in exchange for it.
Yesterday, i saw the Cedar spirit, in the athletes who competed and in the supporters who screamed till their throats are sore. The never dying Cedar spirit was out there for everyone to see. I also want to thank my classmates, the greatest classmates anyone could ever have, for showing your love and concern for me. I will never forget yesterday, it was a perfect ending for my 4 years in Cedar Athletic Team.
Thank you Mr Chan for spotting me from throws and for inspiring me to be who i am today. I will miss your so-called funny jokes during trainings. I really appreciate all that you've done for the whole team. Thank you Mr Seem for training me up in lower sec and the times i trained under you will always be treasured. Thank you Mr Tay for believing in us, going out your way to help us recover from our injuries and for handing me the responsibility of leading the 2009 team.
To my most wonderful and great juniors, regardless of whether you were in the main team or not, i love each one of you so much. It's been a hard and really short season but we've successfully pulled it through together as a team. Always remember your identity- a prestigious member of the Cedar Athletic Team. Continue to keep the Cedar flag flying high. Train hard next season and we'll be there next year to cheer for you. I truly enjoyed training with and leading you all. It's really a great honour and I thank you for that.
Thank you Theresa, Carolyn, Jasmine, Zahrah, Naomi, SiYing, Natalie, Mardiyyah, Syahirah, Grace, Shreya, Ying Ying, Lisa, Felicia, Beatrice and Yale for being in the greatest team together with me for 4 years. It's the day i never wanted to come, the day we leave Cedar Athletic Team physically. But the memories of struggling together to complete schedule, cheering each other on, night times at Thailand and running with the golden baton at our last training will forever be etched in my heart.
Cedar Athletic Team is not a CCA, its a legacy. And i'm so very proud of having been part of this legacy. Thank you.
----------------------
i can distinctly remember the sniffs i could hear while reading this and i tears i saw when i looked up. For someone who doesn't cry that easily, the tears poured out. I wish i go through 23rd and 24th april 09 again. I suddenly feel so empty, being able to come home straight after school. 4 years(or maybe 3plus) years of training for 3days a week seems so long. But now that i'm at the end of it all, it feels too short. Way too short. I'm really going to miss competiting for Cedar, though i took it for granted these years. When running the last 200m, i was thinking "this is the last 200m i'm running for cedar". Though my races weren't very well done this year, i know i'm blessed to have been able to go through this awesome journey that i will remember for the rest of my life. okay, im seem to be starting to write another speech, haha.
When I was to be captain, my fear was making the speech in front of the whole school. I dont know why, its such a funny thing to be scared of. But on friday, i enjoyed every minute of being up there(though it was embarrassing cos we couldnt stop crying). And the afterwards too, of hugging others. Maybe i'm not that eloquent, i dont know how to express how i feel in words. But its okay, its locked up safe in my heart. (:
Cedar dominates the warriors arena.

HEY I THINK THIS IS GONNA BE THE LAST POST BEFORE O'S. I THINK. IF I CAN RESIST. SO BYE BYE BLOG!

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRR! (:
wow, its 2009 already. last year was super fast. anw, we went to church yesterday from 10 till 12.30, to be in God's presence even as we move on to the next year.i know the christmas tree behind is a bit out of the scene. but HAHS. Me&sis with our new bags! (: gosh, she really really looks like a guy.
Last year has been truly great. I was looking forward to 2008, moving on the sec3 and i was feeling very grown up. And 3M turned out to be great, with no cliques and all, it made things a lot easier. and there was OAC, which was both terrible, and nice! It really bonded our class.
Then, national x-ctry. hmm it wasnt very well done. but to me, it was a lesson learnt. I vowed to do better for nationals. and i remember, even as elsia was speaking many of us cried. For some, tears of failure. For some, tears that this would be their last chance to be in Cedar X-ctry..
And after that, there was WALA. my first time representing singapore. i kinda expected to come in last but came in 4th with 0.03s away from the 3rd. and i saw the hottest and cutest guy ever, Brandon! (:
Then there was thailand training trip, my first and last one. It was GREAT, longD finally bonded with sprints (: and i got closer to elsia and debbie, my room mates. harhar and my room no. was 409! it was real fun, training together, eating together and sleeping together.
Then there was Nationals. 2nd for 3000m and 4th for 1500m is far from what i thought i wld get. they were my aims, though. And its really by God's grace that i achieved this. And again, when we were in front of the school many of us cried. It was a great season and it was the last with our sec4s.
And then, many emotional problems attacked me. But now as i think about it, i feel so immature and childish for having acted that way. But it is a lesson learnt, again.
And then there was EOYs which were done anyhow (: harhar.
yuupps, and then chalet. First time planning this kinda stuff and it was hard. But, i think together as sec3s we did a good job (: and, well next this year is surely gonna be so different without the sec4s.
And then the india trip. Learnt a lot of new stuff and really got exposed to another side of this world. And it was great, spending quality time with grandparents and cousins. (:
and then camp X, which has changed me, brought me closer to God. I really pray that throughout 2009, ill keep having the fire burning for God. and that i will be able to hear His voice as He gives me His instructions. ooh,and ive got some pics taken in campX. Campers (:
my group doing our skit.
(:
Serving food!
group leader-jennifer and me!
yupps so there's school tmr. i think i can wake up in time. but i got a feeling school will be quite empty cos ppl will prefer coming on monday. harhar and good luck to naomi who is still rushing her homework! HAHA

I'm back from youth camp - camp cross. and i've been greatly blessed by God and soaked in his presence throughout the camp. I had breakthroughs that have changed my life. I experienced a wonderful worship in Bethesda Cathedral. I'm determined to keep the fire for God alive this whole year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Christianity is first and foremost about relationships rather than rules. It is about a Person more than a philosophy. It is about the most important relationship of all: our relationship with the God who made us. Jesus said that the first and greatest commandment is to love God. The second is to love our neighbour. So, it is also about our relationships with other people.
You and I were created to live in a relationship wit God. Until we find that relationship there will always be something missing in our lives. As a result, we are often aware of emptiness within us.

i decided to post about my trip to india little by little. I taught my sister how to drive the scooter. And we took a little video of around the place where we stay. (:

Its so wierd, without school or trainings or anything. Well, tmr's Christmas and then church camp for 4 days. so hopefully i wont be too bored. I still have physics homework to do :( I cant wait for school to start, but its going to be very very very wierd without the sec4s there. As in, when we will be the ones called the sec4s. I remember that when i was in sec1, i totally worshipped the sec4s. they seemed so old, responsible and so sure of what they were doing. Come to think of it, im so unsure of next year. I definately dont feel old, still childish. sigh. Sec3 was my best year, and i feel so jealous of this year's sec2s as they go on to sec3. I remember my nervousness and excitement on the first day of this year. It was almost like the first day of sec1. Seeing new people in my class and wondering how on earth i was gonna remember all their names. and OAC, gosh that was great. yeah, this year was great, probably the best. (:
evreytime i finish reading a book (i just did) and watch a movie, im exposed to many other new things. It makes me realise how small a world i live in. Here in Singapore, nobody sees beggers on the roads. In India, nobody sees escalators. Its so.. wierd. I just feel that im missing out a lot of life, not meaning school. Oh wells, thats just me thinking.
It must feel wonderful to be in love.

I just watched Bruce Almighty and its like, the best movie ever. It made me cry, its so touching. And it also reminded me that I'm drifting away from God. I haven't been doing quiet time. I'm so ashamed of myself..
Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for neglecting you. I really do need you in my life. I pray that you accept me back and come into my heart. I pray, God that everything I do is by your will and that I will glorify you in everything I do. Help me Lord, to do quiet time, pray and read the Bible every single day. I love you Lord. Thank you again, for this year and I'm grateful for everything. Whatever may come next year, I will accept it fully and will give my life unto you. Thank you Lord for enabling me to grow so much in you last year and thank you for all my friends who helped me grow in my faith. I pray that You continue to bless them and give them strength even as we face the new year. Amen.
From my daily scripture in october, i learnt about facing disappointments:
Perhaps you're fortunate. Perhaps you've never struggled with anxiety and depression. Perhaps all your plans have worked out. Or perhaps, like me and most other members of the human race, at some point life has seemed too hard, with too little reward for doing the right thing. 'Everything is meaningless!' are the words of someone who has failed to find God. Yet even if we know God, we may know periods of pain, seasons of struggle, when faith, hope and love seem about as close to us as the dark side of the moon, leaving us disappointed with life. What were we expecting? Did we think that 'reigning in life' through faith in Jesus meant we would float through this world in a righteous bubble car, insulated from heartache and disappointment? That wasn't Jesus' expectation. But He did say that we would overcome. So there is something about this kingdom life that means, no matter how close we are to Jesus, there will still be struggles and battles to overcome- and we must rely on God's love, truth and power to do so.
It can be one of life's hardest experiences to overcome: when someone we trusted lets us down. Time moves on and we may appear alright on the outside but in waking hours when our minds drift to certain memories, the old wounds are still deep and weeping. The people who hurt us, who disappointed us, who broke our hearts, why did they do it? There is a decision to be taken- we choose to forgive rather than hold a grudge- based solely on the forgiveness we ourselves have recieved from God.

i hope to go popular and buy all my back to school stuff today. and i better go clean my room. (:
i need a someone in my life

BACK FROM INDIA (:
i landed at 5 am today and still went for training at 830. dunno why leh, got nothing to do at home. and i realised i dropped like CRAZY cos i dint get to train there. Cos to enter the stadium there, need entry pass. i had it last year but it expired this year. and to replace it, i would have to wait 2 weeks, and i was only gonna be there for 3 weeks. GRRR. im super dead laaah. im damn slow. sigh.
AND im sick. so i dont think ill post a lot about india. maybe next time. even now my eyes are hurting.
stupid ear blocks from landing.

ByeBye,
I'm off to India!
grr, dint manage to do my ss hw after all. [edit:i packed it, to do it in the aeroplane. i must do it then. i must!]
(: thanks, naomi&theodora.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! HAHAHHAHA

GRRRRRR WHY CANT I READ MY EMAILS IN HOTMAIL?!!!!!!! GRRRRRRR! MSN IS ANNOYING!!
grrrr.
anw, yesterday i only managed to buy 2 casual shirts and one guy-kinda formal shirt.
harhar. i have to leave my house at 4.30 today to go to the airport. and i havent even packed yet! really, havent.
lets see. i have to do my ss hw, tamil hw and pack. and hmm pack my bio and chem books and hws, to do in india.
ooooh, i love the airport! but im nervous about going by ourselves, only me and my sis. knowing me, i would get us lost. :(
----yesterday my parents wanted to go mustafa and buy gifts to pass to us to give to our relatives in india. and me and my sis were bored. harhar.
sane

BORED.

shouting to Sherly and John, the slow-pokes. (also known as, our parents)

okay i think im being lame, cos im bored. and have tamil in front of me. grr

I THINK SHE'S DAMN PRETTY, HAYLEY WILLIAMS.

A REAL SCARY ROLLERCOASTER RIDE

i shall put up the Cedar Musical pics up now!
GRACE! heart

Me, Kemei, Ruimin, Amanda (:

JOYYYYY. (: she really sticks to her name.

LISA! LISA LISA! (:

LinXin, she's really sweet and nice! and she was feeling sad that no one wanted to take pics with her. meanwhile i was freaking out inside, about how to ask her if she wld take a pic with me. she's a senior, real easy to get along with. (: ill miss you, linxin!

Tanya finally got her green dress!

3M people (:

MrChan, still oweing me rides home! (: he rocks!

YAAAALE!

XINYING! heart she looks very pretty!

HUIXIN, heart! MAY, heart!

GRACE! & HER OH-SO-WONDERFUL SMILE! heart

SYASYA&DIANA. (:

oh & yesterday at Bugis Junction, carol,jasmine,theresa,zahrie and me took neoprints! and i scanned them. but i shall put them up another time.

ohmy, i just realised that you know before the graduation song on my blog starts, there are people saying some stuff? the last person, a guy says "honestly? i'm probably gonna cry". and the song starts right after that.

random? i dont think so. its what i always think about.

From Elsia's blog:
i know the sec fours, we,
mean alot to you as you have shown us
i know some of you cannot get over it
for me, its the same
but life still goes onknow that you will be kept in our hearts and you
too
stash our memories in the deepest darkest corner of your hearts
where no one will ever get to
and we'll stay there
and anytime you need us to be there
to cheer you on for your runs,
give us a call
and we'll be there
i promise.

I'm Jedidah John!
Born on 6 may and 16 now!
Studying at awesome Cedar girls secondary school


GOD
CEDAR
Cedar Athletic Team
4M
daddy!
mummy!

To always love God!
To get 6 points!
To live life without regrets






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